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A really good laugh - a joke
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Author:  alberta advocate [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 4:28 pm ]
Post subject:  A really good laugh - a joke

An older, tired-looking Dalmatian dog wandered into my yard the other day. I could tell from his collar, vet tags and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me wagging his tail. I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall curled up on my leather couch and fell asleep. An hour later he went to the door and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot on the couch and again slept, for about 2 hours. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious, one day I pinned a note to his collar reading. "I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.

The next day the dog arrived again for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar. It read "He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come tomorrow?


Michele

Author:  _Susan_ [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 7:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A really good laugh - a joke

:rofl

Author:  _Susan_ [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A really good laugh - a joke

Lol...The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother,and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching
her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the
wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming
water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that
they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him
for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Author:  Allergic_Vegetarian [ Thu Dec 09, 2010 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A really good laugh - a joke

I'm only now getting around to reading these. These are too funny! :rofl :rofl

Author:  _Susan_ [ Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A really good laugh - a joke

Sad News Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and knead a lift.

Author:  gwentheeditor [ Sun Dec 12, 2010 6:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A really good laugh - a joke

:rofl

Author:  Becky [ Mon Dec 13, 2010 1:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A really good laugh - a joke

I think my dog feels the same way!! :lol:

Author:  _Susan_ [ Thu Dec 16, 2010 10:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A really good laugh - a joke

Oh my! :oops:

Quote:
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

:rofl

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