Talking Allergies

The birthday party....grrrrrr
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Author:  shai [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 2:20 pm ]
Post subject:  The birthday party....grrrrrr

:evil: The party I was dreading in the other thread last week? It was horrible. My husbands family knows I am deathly allergic to dairy. We drove 2 hours to this birthday party for his 3 year old niece and had the worst experience. We show up and everyone is sitting around eating a big old cheesy block! Of course they wanted to hold my son and play with him, and they shuttered and gave us all nasty looks when my husband told his dad he would have to wash his hands before touching anyone in our family. What part of "milk can kill me" don't they understand? And my son, I don't know what it will do to him anymore. Last time he ate something that was accidently contaminated with a small amount of milk he broke out in hives and was refluxing all night.
Of course then they all have to break out the cheesy nachos and they hadn't even ate yet. His sister said they would eat at noon, so we decided to show up for the cake and presents after the meal, about 1. Well, they decided without telling us to eat at 3. What the heck? I even brought my son his own piece of cake I made at home so he could eat cake with everyone. I told his sister all of this. They cooked CHEESE burgers, with side dishes of cottage cheese, macaroni salad, and fruit salad (with creamy dip that ended up all through the fruit; my husband checked it out for us). Well, I wasn't about to touch any of it. I was afraid to touch anything! It was like she purposefully made every dish with dairy.
I just sat with my son in a chair next to my husband and had a panic attack. It was so scary! And people kept asking, "Isn't there anything you can eat?!?!?" And they were very very persistent and annoying about it. I couldn't even eat if I thought the food was safe from cross contamination because my stomach was in knots from freaking out. Finally my husband was just, "Let's give him the piece of cake we brought and leave." So we did. I don't think I want to go to food related functions anymore. That was just too much.

Author:  mygirlsyd [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 2:37 pm ]
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I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience. I don't understand how people can be so ignorant about something that can possibly kill you and/or your son. And it's not like it was a big secret! They knew you were coming after the food - if they had decided to change their plans they could have at least let you know.

I'm not making excuses for people - but I really think people don't understand the fact that tiny particals of food that can't even be seen can cause a severe reaction. Although I'm also surprised because you would think that no one would want to chance a reaction at one of their parties.

Ugh - so sorry!

Author:  Nicole [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 2:57 pm ]
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Hi Shai,

I am so sorry for you. It is definitely not worth all this aggravation, I tell you. We had dinner at the in-laws too yesterday, and it was a pain as well, but not as bad as you. (See my rant under "Allergies in the news". I know, it doesn't belong there, but that's just how my post ended up! Karen, we need a special "Rant" category!)

Anyway, I sympathize with you wholeheartedly. Not a lot of people get it. It seems worse with in-laws for some reason...

Sadly, I think you should just decline to attend functions like these next time. You're obviously not having fun and it's risky for you and your child.

Author:  Daisy [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 3:17 pm ]
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So sorry about the party. What a letdown for your family! So much for mending fences. I'm shocked you stayed as long as you did; I would have bailed after I walked in the door. But at least you know now. No more wasted 2-hour car rides wondering "what if"!

What ever happened to hot dogs and potato chips? It does sound like they included everything you can't eat, on purpose. Or they are just really, really stupid!

Hope your day today is better :) ,

Author:  saskmommyof3 [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 3:21 pm ]
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I feel for ya. The whole dairy allergy thing is soooo hard to deal with. I am sure every allergy is hard in its own way, but I can not imagine a worse allergy when it comes to going out in public and with kids. It is messy and it is everywhere.

We chose to avoid our annual block BBQ Friday night. We took the kids camping they would not see the party out our window. Yes, everyone was more than willing to accomidate our peanut allergy, but not milk. And, I do not expect everyone to not eat milk...but milky, messy snacks are everywhere.

We has a blast camping, we met some kids who were having fun playing, not eating at the RV park play ground, and our friends met us there the next day.

Author:  Helen [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 3:28 pm ]
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Sorry to hear about how badly the party went. I'd say that it might be a good idea when you refuse the next invitation to explain why...i.e. say that you're sorry, but you just can't risk it because of possible cross contamination or a contact reaction. And you need to be particularly careful on your child's behalf because of the possibility of accidental ingestion if protein traces are left everywhere. Then there is the remote chance that your sil will ask you if there is anything she could do...

But I'm certainly not very good at taking my own advice so I can fully understand why you would just not want to attend next time without an explanation.

Author:  _Susan_ [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 6:55 pm ]
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Shai-That is awful!! I remember when my husbands family didn't get it. I actually had to tell him that one more stunt and i would not allow our daughter to go visit them. He had a talk with them and they have been much better since then.
Suggestion-Next time the say "Isn't there anything you can eat?" Say, "Yes", and give them a long list of all of the food that they could have served. Roasted chicken, green salad, fresh veggies, fruit of all types, plain potato chips, plain corn chips and salsa, cookies made with shortening, cake recipes with minor ingredient modifications, juice, pop, jello...make it sound yummy and healthy. Tell them how good you feel, how you maintain your figure and your Dr is amazed at how low your cholesterol levels are. Throw in how you save money by not being tempted to "just order something that's fast and cheap" for supper.
The best revenge is a god (and healkthy) life! 8)

Author:  ethansmom [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 7:50 pm ]
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shai -- I give you credit for trying. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, BUT, to me, what you described is just a blatent disregard for you and your child. This is your husband's family -- they are not strangers. If you can't count on family to attempt to educate themselves and at least defer to you, to ask the questions, and respect you enough to try to understand and accommodate you without judging and criticizing - they aren't worth being around. It's just my opinion but, I'd rather spend my time and energy being around people who care about my family, and show they care through their actions. So sorry you had such a time.

Author:  shai [ Mon Jun 19, 2006 10:19 pm ]
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I think if I see them again it will be in a strictly no food situation. I get so tired of people not even trying. It's like they are completely ignorant to our situation, and they don't care to educate themselves.
I'm used to people being like that in public places. I can't even go to the movie theater without breaking out in hives and getting very sick from the buttery popcorn everywhere. But when I am with family I expect them to at least try. All that cheese everywhere was not trying. I will just tell them why we will not go from now on.
They have been this way to my husband his whole life too. He has life threatening allergies to animal dander. His dad is a butcher and runs his own prcessing place during deer season...which includes all types of hunting so it lasts about 5 months. They won't come see us because theya re too busy. We can't go see them or my husband could die. So his own dad will not see us for almost half a year because he will not take the time to shower and drive 8 miles to our place. What a jerk!
And people keep messing with deer hides then come around him and his eyes swell shut. It's very scary. Or they take their dogs everywhere with him and he gets extremely sick from that too.
So this whole complete disregard for the well-being of others is not a new thing for his family. My husband just says, "see why I don't have much to do with them?"
I was only trying to encourage him to get along with them and attend their functions. Now I am leaning towards agreeing with him on the "forget them forever" policy.

Author:  Nicole [ Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:14 am ]
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You know Shai, it's not worth the aggravation. I have learned in life to "get rid" of negative influences. These relationships are obviously not bringing you pleasure, only grief, so it's time to move on and find new friends that will understand your predicament.

Trust in the old saying "When a door closes, a window opens".

Author:  KarenOASG [ Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:54 pm ]
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Wow shai, I'm so sorry that it was so horrible. At least you did try, and I guess you can pat yourself on the back for making the attempt. And now you'll never feel guity for not going in the future!!

I agree with Nicole. Negative relationships just aren't worth it.


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