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 Post subject: Help need familly advice
PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2008 12:00 pm 

Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 192
Location: Ohio
I am traveling with my kids to my parents house. I have spent countless hours on the phone with my mother and I feel fine about going to her house. My Aunt June is insisting on having a cook out at her home on Saturday. I am scared out of my witts. I have have talked to her but it was a rushed conversation and I was only able to tell her about my ingestion allergies. I am highly allergic to citric acid witch is in most candles, cleaners and house scents. :roll: I am the same way with cinnamon. And any orange cleaners. I said somthing about bringing my own food and she said oh good but that was the end of the conversation. I called my mother and she talked to Aunt June. Anyway they went ahead with the cook out but my mother didn't tell her about my scent allergies and I feel like i am walking into a death trap. She has a back porch and so she suggested I stay there. Well what if she is cooking somthing, What about the food my kids ingest that I am allergic to? I will most likly have to drive to my parents house to use the bathroom. :roll: This has been suggested to me by my parents and other family members. Here is the kicker... they do not want me to send an e-mail to my Aunt about my scent allergies. If she has a scented candles in the room near the porch well i am in trouble. my physical reaction would be face swelling, chest closing up and itching all over. I am not sure my family understands. Do I send an e-mail anyway? Do I go and prepare to leave? Do I sit and cry. :roll: Oh wait I already am. SO any advice?

Karen in Ohio mom of 7
Allergic to tons and tons of food as well as perfumes, scented air sprays and cleaners. Hubby to Fish, ds #2 Shellfish, youngest to Eggplant, potato, Caesin, Raw Tomato & spinach.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2008 1:15 pm 

Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:22 am
Posts: 52
Location: Cayman Islands
I am not sure why your family wouldn't want you to send an email explaining your scent allergies. Both my son and I are allergic to pets and I am very sensitive to perfumes etc... Anytime I have been at someone's house and I didn't tell them about our airborne allergies, they have felt terrible if it has caused problems. I would highly recommend calling your aunt or sending the email. I would imagine that the last thing she would want while hosting a party is to have one of her guest become sick because of something as easy to control as the removal of scented products. I am sorry to hear that your family has not been more supportive - perhaps they feel that the issue is confusing. Hearing it first hand from you would be straight forward and thoughtful to your aunt. My mother won't even spray hairspray in her own home if she knows we are coming to visit. Good luck.

Son 11 yrs: Anaphylactic to eggs, milk, fish, shellfish, peanuts, tree nuts and allergic to soy, animals & environmental + Asthma.
Daughter 13 yrs: No allergies!
Me: Allergic to animals & environmental.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2008 7:43 pm 
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6616
Location: Ottawa
I suspect that your family doesn't quite get the allergies. If they did, they would not shut down the conversation when there was more to discuss. I don't understand the banning of communication.

Either you can be certain that you will not get ill or you are at risk of getting ill. I don't see how you can expect to be safe if you can't discuss the issues.

Perhaps some past etiquette rule stated that it was rude to ask what was for supper before accepting an invitation. This does not apply as you have happily accepted. It is bad etiquette to make your uest uncomfortable and very bad form to cause them to be sick!

I would phrase the e-mail as politely and as positively as possible. "Of course, I am thrilled to attend your event!

I feel it is important to advise you that I react strongly to XYZ and I humbly requst that you refrain from using these products just before and during my stay. If this is not possible, I understand and will decline your gracious invite/offer of accomidation.

I have always enjoyed your events and wish to have keep the momories happy ones."

I would send the e-mail to your mother and tell her that you would love to go but that your health is important and you can only go if you are allowed to send the e-mail and receive a reply.

If you do go I would make back up accomidation plans. Mom? Hotel? Tent?

It is important that your children see you take your health seriously. I recall that one of your daughters has food allergies. Use this opportunity as a teaching tool. How would you want her to handle similar situations in the future?

Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy and green beans) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: Oral Allergy Syndrome, Allergic to Birch trees

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